Recently I have seen a few children presenting with anxiety that I would describe as having perfectionistic tendencies. They have a great deal of anxiety when trying new things, such as a new sport or activity, they often set unrealistic goals and have an extreme fear of failure. They engage in negative self-talk and may put tasks aside to avoid making mistakes.
I try to help parents manage these struggles in their children and encourage them to seek out information about Growth Mindset. A growth mindset is a way of thinking about challenges and setbacks that involves believing that abilities can be developed through hard work and effort. People with a growth mindset are more likely to see challenges as learning opportunities, and are more resilient and adaptable in the face of obstacles.
The researcher, Carol Dweck, found that there were two mindsets – fixed and growth mindsets. A child with a fixed mindset believes that they are either good or bad at something, and nothing will change that. In contrast, a child with a growth mindset believes that they can improve on a skill through practice.
Dr Dweck suggested that children with a fixed mindset often had a focus on performance (the outcome), and as a result they tended to:
- avoid challenges and choose to do easier tasks that they feel confident they can succeed in;
- give up easily when they find a task challenging;
- ignore constructive criticism;
- and feel threatened by the success of others (often seen as comparing themselves to someone who was already able to perform the task successfully).
In contrast, a child with a Growth Mindset, is able to embrace challenges, learn from feedback, and persist when things are tough. All the important strategies we want our children to have for learning a new skill. I suggest starting small and finding phrases and quotes to change our responses to our children, such as:
